Forced Criticism: Celine Dion’s Masterpieces
When my editors (Jeff “Wunderkind” Silberman and Sam “Ubermensch” Primeaux) first assigned me “My Love: Essential Collection” by Celine Dion for my article this week, boy was I angry! The nerve of them! Why, this is the Hullabaloo! Aren’t there new tracks to review by The Hold Steady and LCD Soundsystem? What am I doing listening to 17 songs by Canadian pop icon Celine Dion, the best-selling female artist of all time and winner of no less than five Grammy awards?!?!?!
As you can no doubt tell, I was both furious and indignant at the prospect of listening to the greatest hits of Canada’s sweetheart. I have hipster cred to maintain, after all.
But you know what? I fell in love. I fell in love with her haunting, ghoul-like eyes and her powerful, warbling voice. They reached deep into my soul, plucking at my heartstrings like a Disney-fied Joanna Newsom. I was transported to a world of whimsy and delight, where falling in love over awkwardly timed and overproduced synthesizers was just one of any number of magical possibilities. Soaring power ballads? Where do I sign up?
First she draws you in with her seemingly basic song concepts. For example, tracks 3 through 5 on the album are titled “The Power of Love,” “My Love,” and “Because You Loved Me.” While you might think that would be repetitive, think again. In “The Power of Love,” Celine cuts right to the core, laying out in stark, direct terms who the characters are in her time-worn tale of passion: “’cause I am your lady/and you are my man.”
Groundbreaking stuff.
I also realized while listening that I’d sung nearly all of these songs in mandatory middle school chorus. Ms. Stintson of Holliston, Massachusetts, who knew you’d be coming back into my thoughts after all these years? I wish I had some way to thank you for subconsciously programming me with all the lyrics to “The Power of the Dream” and “A New Day Has Come.”
Let me sum up how I felt about this album with as little hyperbole as possible: It was as if I was riding on the back of a giant Canadian loon through a waterfall and a rainbow, the wind sweeping through my long, flowing hair. I felt like a caveman who had been frozen in a block of ice for thousands of years, only to suddenly burst free in a hail of effervescent sparks, reborn like a phoenix. “My Love: Essential Collection” brought me high and brought me low, healed my wounds and soothed me when I was distraught. It took me out on a date and paid for everything. This album will change your life.
Seriously though? Terrible. So, so, so terrible. My ears are still bleeding. F. For the love of God, F.
It’s a great album. Celine Dion has a once in a lifetime voice and no many “divas” nowadays can actually sing live like she does. You should see one of her shows at least once in your life. People like to mock her but you know what? She’s still one of the best selling artists in the world after 20 years now… A little respect would do you good Zach. You might not like her music, but you definately should aknowledge her talent. A+
Dude, you’re hard to follow. Do you like or don’t you? This is not well-written at all. If you don’t like, then your last comment doesn’t make up for 99 % of the article. Weird.
Zach, I’m pretty sure you don’t know what actually makes good music as evidenced by those two bands you listed you’d rather listen to. I’ve not heard any of her album so I can’t say whether or not it is good, but reading your other “music” articles shows you don’t know what good music sounds like. Maybe if you took music classes and learned about music you’d understand that most of today’s music is pretty bad.
It seemed to me the author was a grade school aspiring writer writing for a school paper. His writing style is plain self-indulgent. Doesn’t make sense, and obviously the work of an amateur writer. Being a Reviews writer is no joke. Word of advice, when you review a piece of art music, film etc… it’s not all about top of the head opinions… there’s a certain degree of intellect, logic, and sensibility involved also. But more practice might help you.